Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I'm Trying to Be Brave

I couldn’t sleep very well last night, so I arose early and went for a walk. I enjoyed the morning glow of the sunrise, the pink roses (yes, I stopped to smell them as I passed by), a tiny bright yellow finch on a lavender sprig... I have spent a lot of time thinking about the many things I wouldn’t be able to do if my sight was taken from both eyes. The list is alarming, so I attempted to think of the things I would STILL be able to do -- not very encouraging either.
I have to admit that today I broke down with lots of tears. Not knowing what is going on is very frightening to me. 
Randy and I attended the Draper Temple knowing that serving in the House of the Lord always brings perspective and comfort.
I thought the afternoon would drag on forever... My MRI was at the University Hospital at 5:30 pm. They had me dress in a hospital gown, started an IV, stuck headphones on my head, clamped my head down to keep it immovable, handed me an emergency beeper, and rolled me into the tube. I attempted to listen to classical music, but the banging, pounding, and shaking were pretty overwhelming. The MRI lasted one hour during which I was asked to remain motionless with my eyeballs “staring” straight ahead. At one point, the vibrations made my nose tickle. I tried not to, but finally let out a giant sneeze which jerked my head. Afraid that I had messed up the MRI, I pushed the panic button. The technician said, “What’s Wrong?!” and after hearing my plight, he kind of scolded me for stopping the test. If there was a problem, HE would have stopped it. I was only trying to be perfect. Three quarters of the way through the MRI, he injected “contrast” into my IV. Fifteen more minutes and I was finished... gratefully.

Now I just have to wait for my appointment tomorrow at 1:30 to "see" what's up.

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